Missing in Action

It has been almost two months since my last blog post….since my insemination.  It has been a CRAZY two months.

Let me do a quick explanation/catch up over the past two months. 

On Valentine’s Day, while cutting fabric for a wreath I am making, I accidently sliced part of my finger off.  I ended up spending the entire afternoon in the emergency room.  On my left pointer finger, I sliced off the side closest to the thumb by the nail….it was missing a good 1/2″x1/2″ chunk.  And even today, it is slanted and looks like I am missing finger.  I don’t think I will ever have it completely back.  Oh well.  But that did make it extremely difficult to type and quite painful, so blogging was out for the first three weeks after that. 

Ouch :(

Then, on February 19th,I started my period.  The insemination was unsuccessful.  This was heartbreak at its worst.  The first time you try something new for trying to get pregnant, you can’t help but allow yourself to be extremely hopeful. You can’t help but to imagine having a baby “bump” in a few months.  This hit me like a ton of bricks…..not only because it wasn’t successful, but the “crash” from the hormones.  I was a mess.  I felt literally crazy…actually, not just crazy, but bat-shit crazy.  I was crying over nothing and everything.  It was probably a good thing I couldn’t blog….I wouldn’t have made any sense because now that I am back to normal, looking back, I have no clue what the hell I was freaking about. 

So the day after we found out the insemination wasn’t successful, my husband left for a two week business trip.  He didn’t get to experience my case of the crazies in person.  He got a taste over the phone, and I think that was enough for him.  But during that time, I had to go to the doctor twice.  Once for my finger and it being infected.  The other was because I suddenly started developing skin tags…and not just one or two, but like 10.  And they appeared overnight.  According to my doctor, this is actually a common occurence with the hormone shifts and that if I got them with the insemination, I would most likely get more with actual pregnancy.  Freaking A.  But I would much rather have that than what I was originally freaking out about.  I thought I was dying.  Are these cancer? Some sort of disease?  (See what I mean by the crazies??? I had it BAD!)

That brings us to March.  March was crazy in several different ways.  I was kept busy with the spouse’s group for our squadron and with getting ready to send the hubby off to war.  We were able to celebrate our three year wedding anniversary with an overnight trip to KC.  (Which by the way was FABULOUS!!!!)  But it was a very highly emotional month.  Trying to cherish every moment with my husband, mentally capturing pictures of him doing this or that because I know I won’t see him doing that for six months.  And the emotions just built up as the goodbye date neared. But talking about that is a whole different post. 

\”I Try\” by Macy Gray

Onto the update for the baby….I may have to change the theme of this blog for the next few months.  We could have had another chance at insemination, but that would have meant spending the last couple days together at the doctor’s office and me having dates with a turkey baster instead of my husband.  And that meant that if it was unsuccessful again, I would be facing those RAGING hormones again with the disappointment of it not working, only this time add on deployment emotions and I really didn’t think I could handle it.  I am strong woman, but part of being strong is knowing what you can and can’t handle….and I KNEW I couldn’t handle all of that at once.  So, we decided to enjoy each other, concentrate on our marriage and our time together.  And we just relaxed.  For the first time in quite a few months, sex wasn’t scheduled by my cycle.  We let go of having a baby prior to him leaving and we just enjoyed being man and wife.

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